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Tips for a Happy Life
Sing, off-key, loudly
Wave at people who stare
Wear Camoflauge
Befriend carnies
You'll never win the claw game, so stop trying
Have a personal sound effect for everything
Have theme music, and play it loudly whenever you walk into a room
Never jump off a bridge unless you know the velocity achieved on impact, the depth of the water, and how much your friends are going to pay you
Don't listen to anybody......only listen to the voices in your head
Remember, you are not as dumb as they think you are...they have No idea
Enjoy your own body......but not more than 3 or 4 times a day
Don't eat while driving...you need that hand for your cell phone
At the airport security, when they ask you "Did anybody give you anything to take on board with you." Never say "What...Like a gun?"
You can't always get what you want..but sometimes you find, you can
Don't talk to doors, chairs, pillows and walls.....unless they talk to you first
Do, however, talk to your pets. But stop when they start talking back
Read Tabloid newspapers..but put them back before you have to pay for them
Never underestimate the power of your parents money
Travel. But remember everything you do abroad will be a reflection on your country
Tell everyone your from Canada
No matter what a monkey tells you, don't ever put your fingers under the staple gun
If you know you're going to be laughing a lot, make sure you go pee beforehand
Never read instructions, they are merely a manufacturers suggestion
Use lots of power tools. If you don't know how, see above
Make pancakes when youre mad...and watch those suckers BURN BABY BURN!
Write poetry. And make your friends listen to you read it
Live in Las Vegas. But leave before they start calling you by your first name at the all you can eat buffet
Learn how to play "Oh Suzanna".....on the harp
Eat turkey, in Turkey
Do somersaults. Often.
Learn at least 1 Irish Drinking song every month
Wear Camoflauge. Its worth repeating
Pay for sex..its cheaper in the long run
Crime does not pay..very well.....usually
Go to law school. What you don't learn in prison you can learn there
And if you do go to prison, don't eat the pudding
